5 Ways Self-Help Books Breed Unhealthy Habits

Motivational self-help books have helped me tremendously throughout my life. I’ve gained new ideas and learned new skills. Perhaps most importantly, I learned that I have the power to make change and that I’m not beholden to my circumstances.

However, as I kept reading more and more books, I found myself desperately seeking some new and special insight that would bring it all together and help me push through the next “plateau.”

In the end, I found that while self-help books can be extremely valuable, they have some significant shortcomings that are critical to consider. Here’s where I think self-help books miss the boat:

1. Stories over data

If you’ve read more than a few self-help books, you’ve almost definitely been told a story that goes something along the lines of this:

Bill was broke and living with his parents. Bill adopted whatever mindsets the book espouses. Bill achieves huge material success and lives happily ever after.

Inspiring indeed. It makes us feel like if Bill can do it, we can do it too.

However, for every Bill who eventually achieved his dreams, there are probably thousands of Bills who simply take a boring job, accept their circumstances, and get on with their lives.

You almost never read comprehensive studies about what large numbers of people have done to achieve success. The sample size in self-help books is almost always one or a few.

This is probably because facts are boring. Stories on the other hand are far more entertaining and inspiring. Stories sell more books, even if they aren’t what’s most important for people to know.

2. Changing ourselves over questioning our surroundings

Feeling anxious? You must be crazy. Not feeling motivated? It’s your fault. Afraid of failing? Just repeat these affirmations every morning. Not achieving your full potential? Learn how to fix yourself.

Self-help books put emphasis on the need to change one’s self rather than questioning outside circumstances or even one’s personal values.

While I’m in favor of focusing on what’s in my control, and my personal development is definitely within my control, there several other factors that have impact on our ability to achieve success.

I appreciate the sentiment of barreling through no matter what, and there is definitely a time for that, however I also think there are important problems in the world that need questioning. When we solely focus on the problems facing an individual’s psychology, we forgo the opportunity to question our surroundings.

Personal development should not be a replacement for analyzing the factors that affect our lives, such as our culture, education system, government and relationships.

Maybe the regulations in your industry are making it almost impossible, or even illegal, for you to succeed. Maybe your fear of failure is actually warranted. Maybe that big audacious goal you have is actually too much risk for you to take on given your current financial situation or given your actual abilities.

Maybe you have reason to feel anxiety. Maybe your closest relationships are with people who genuinely want you to fail or are even taking actions to harm you.

Telling someone to drop one of their closest relationships is a far less entertaining read than advice about the “5 simple morning rituals” you can implement to achieve success overnight.

3. Mindsets over reality

Because Bill had mindset X, he was magically able to overcome all of his shortcomings and past failings and achieve success.

Fostering positive mindsets has most definitely helped me make improvements in my self-confidence and communication. However, it’s never been a replacement for working hard, being born into some fortunate circumstances, taking risks, and getting a bit lucky.

For example, if Bill wants to raise money for his business so he can eventually have an IPO, he will need a lot to happen, beyond simply maintaining a positive mindset. The reality is, if he doesn’t have the right connections, it’s unlikely that you he’ll be able to raise money.

Does that suck? Yes, of course. Is it “unfair”? I don’t know. I don’t think it even matters. What matters is reality. While a mindset can help, in a battle between dreams and reality, reality wins.

4. Financial success over happiness and ethics

Success. Fame. Money. Freedom.

…These are some of the many promises self-help gurus make in an effort to sell their books.

While financial success is certainly worth striving for, there are other metrics that can lead to a happy, healthy and fulfilling life, as well as a stable society.

While it’s not as inspiring of a story on paper, the story about the Bill who kept a stable job, brought healthy children into the world and raised them peacefully is equally admirable, IMO.

More recently, I’ve worked to foster beliefs aspirations not simply based on productivity and “success,” but also based on reason and personal integrity. I strive to make sure the decisions I make are both rational and in line with my personal values and abilities.

I’ve learned to find “success” in the process of growth itself, independent of outcomes.

5. Vitamins over painkillers

Having a strong mindset can certainly help you power through a tough time. Or improve your performance in challenging situations. It’s definitely helped me throughout my career.

However, before I did the hard work of understanding myself and the world around me, self-help books were simply vitamins. I had to keep reading self-help book after self-help book so that I could keep brainwashing myself into motivation.

As long as you “buy-in” to whatever the self-help book is espousing — perseverance, information marketing, networking, self-confidence, etc. — It can definitely give you a short-term boost. But if you don’t do the hard work to understand your strengths and weaknesses, gain the skills and knowledge you need to actually provide value to people, and put in the work, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to achieve sustainable results.

I’m starting to believe that whatever sounds easiest is probably the worst strategy and that whatever sounds hardest is probably the best strategy. Whatever is the most comfortable to tell someone is probably false and whatever is most the least comfortable to tell someone is probably the truth.

Key Takeaways

• Use self-help books as a tool. A tool to give yourself a boost of inspiration or to learn a new skill. Not as a guiding strategy or a replacement for putting in the hard work.
• Don’t let material success be your only metric for success. Gain happiness from within and live by your personal standards of integrity.
• Question the assumption that it’s simply your mindsets or habits that need to change for you to succeed. Consider your real abilities and the realities of the world around you.
• Don’t blindly accept a strategy or philosophy as an inevitable path to success. Use reason and evidence to determine what’s viable.
• The most valuable takeaway from just about any self-help book is simply that you can make change. Let it be a stepping stone to setting realistic goals, taking action to making it happen, and living to your own standards.

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