Don’t Be Afraid of Being Afraid
You feel pain. You are afraid. Congratulations! You are human and you are alive.
We are all afraid of making mistakes, of being rejected and, most importantly, losing those we love, that’s all part of our human nature. Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus — the fear of what we don’t know. My point is, how do we deal with that reaction?
I used to think of fear as a dangerous beast, whether I visualized it like that or not. Every time I came face to face with fear, my mind was telling me to either run away or to panic. That “fight or flight” mode, is our body’s primitive and automatic response to a perceived attack or threat. And that’s OK. The problem was my relationship with that beast, I realized I had to learn to tame it or it would take over my life.
If I panic and get caught up with fear, I become the prey. I get stuck, taken over by my emotions, losing my ability to behave freely. Many people were shocked by the presidential election results. But there’s a huge difference between feeling hurt and getting stuck. I decided to write a piece, You didn’t lose the election, to encourage people not to get paralyzed by sadness and fear.
On the other hand, when I run away from my fears, I’m just pretending to escape from the beast. I might not be the prey but I’m not living freely either, worried that I soon can become one. I can check your phone screen to escape from my worries. Or binge watch one show after another to keep my mind busy and distracted. That doesn't mean that the beast is not lying in waiting to ambush.
My Mind Is Not Afraid
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear” — Nelson Mandela
Failure. Rejection. Being wrong. All these emotions are connected to our fears. When I try to avoid getting hurt, I become paralyzed. I don’t act. Thus letting the beast take over my mind and freedom.
We all need to stop treating fear as a beast. Learn how to live with it; domesticate the beast.
For me, it all starts by dealing with negative thoughts.
Avoid anticipation, not worrying about what might happen. Avoid generalizations, thinking that because one thing went wrong, everything will go wrong. Avoid labels, putting ourselves in a box that we can’t get out of. Avoid being obsessed about others acceptance, limiting our potential to be unique, to be who we want to become.
Zen Buddhism has a term, Mushin, that literally means “the mind without mind”, commonly called “the state of no-mindedness”. This state of pure mental clarity is not like an empty shell but one that’s free and fully present. Empty of worries, distractions and preoccupations. A mind that is not afraid.
Though this state of mind takes years and years of practice to master it, becoming more aware of my feelings and reactions has helped me a lot. Ultimately, how I deal with fear.
How I Use Fear as a Motivation
Absence of fear. When you can be present, facing your internal beast, and not feeling afraid.
I’m hardly one who can say that has mastered a “mind without a mind” state. But I’ve experienced it briefly, on many occasions, to know how great it feels.
The beast of fear can turn me into its prey or become my greatest motivator. That’s up to me. Instead of adopting a “fight or flight” reaction, I’ve learned to turn my fears into an ally, into motivation to grow as a person. I want to encourage you to do so.
I’m not immune myself. That’s why I’ve developed an approach that has proven to be effective when I panic or try to run away from the beast. It’s a simple three-step process with some simple questions. Put it in practice. Tweak it. Make it your own.
- Understand the beast:
- What worries you? Really.
- What exactly are you afraid of?
- Why? Why? Why? (yes, three times)
2. Move beyond life or death consequences:
- What’s the worse than can happen? Be objective.
- How will those consequences affect you? Make a list.
- Has something similar happened in the past? Well, you survived… How did it feel?
3. Accept to live with the beast:
- How might I let this fear go?
- How might I allow this fear to be here?
- How might I welcome my fears every time they show up?
Absence of fear. When you can be present, facing your beasts, and not feeling afraid. When you’ve conquered your fears or at least begun to tame your beasts.
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