How to Be Happier in 2018
11 reflections for living a happier & healthier 2018.
One foggy January morning last week, I walked 20 minutes down the road to a local coffeeshop with the simple task: write my three morning pages.
“What am I really pursuing? What am I seeking?”
I remember the exhaustion in those first words. The angst inside the dots of those question marks.
But only in retrospect, looking back at the pages do I remember. Because I left that coffeeshop 40 minutes later with a pep in my step. I was happier. Ready to take on the day and the year. Somewhere between leaving my doorstep and the return, I found joy. Not deep purpose or soul fulfilment, but simple, pedestrian joy.
Walking 20 minutes to the coffeeshop in the morning gave me joy.
A cup of coffee with myself and my thoughts in a quiet cafe gave me joy.
Untangling the spaghetti in my mind gave me comfort. And then joy.
Nothing significant in my life had changed that morning. My career / life / existential woes weren’t solved in those minutes. I didn’t have any more money or opportunities or clarity. Nothing new had been figured out except the simple reminder: everything would be okay. I’d be okay.
Satisfaction from stream of conscious journaling isn’t new to me. What surprised me was how quickly I moved from a place of confusion and angst to a place of happiness and joy.
Happiness is a momentary phenomenon. This moment, I’m happy. In the next moment, just as quickly, I might be sad. Or pissed. Or bored. Or aroused. Or jealous. Or scared. Or some Frankensteinian monster of all of the above.
When I reflected on my 2017 — what went well and what didn’t — my main takeaway was this: certain activities and attitudes to life bring me joy. Or at the very least decrease my negativity, pessimism and sadness.
My intention this year is to maximize those moments of joy.
Here are 11 reminders to myself for living a happier and healthier 2018.
(I wrote this list as a “user-manual” of sorts to myself — something I can refer to throughout the year to help bring me back to happiness. If you do the same, please share your personal list of reminders in the comments at the bottom.)
1. Consume Less.
I’m not the first to realize: social media makes me sad.
I don’t have a problem with notifications — I’ve never allowed them. My flavor of addiction is the mindless opening of apps. At the first brush of boredom, or loneliness, or when my hands don’t have anything to do, or when I go to pee — I’ll crack open a fresh session and chug the bottomless well of text, photos, videos and “news.”
Then I close the app two, twenty, sixty minutes later, feeling sad.
This probably says more about me and the way I use social media. Except for the fact that social media is designed to be psychologically addictive to humans. This is what saddens me most: I’m not in control of the apps. They control me.
In November, I deleted Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn from my phone. It’s hard to say if I’m happier for it. But I’m happy knowing I’ve saved unknown hours:
- Comparing myself to others
- Reading the world’s stream of conscious negativity
- Absorbing endless socio-economic-politico-environmental doom-and-gloom
- Feeling grief and rage about our “leaders”
- Watching hours of video that add nothing to my life
- Feeling envious of friends doing more/better/cooler things than me
- Wishing I were everywhere but where I am right now
This year: Quit consuming social media. Divorce your phone. Take back control.
2. Make More.
On the other hand, last year I rediscovered an activity that brings me bountiful joy: making shit. Physical shit.
For example: I have a beautiful Filson duffel bag. The strap disappeared from my bag two years ago after checking it into a flight. Filson said they’d replace the strap for an outrageous $75 (+ shipping!). For two years my stubborn ass walked around without a strap, hellbent on not paying that $75.
Then I took a leather making class and said fuck that, I’ma make it myself.
Every time I pick up that duffel bag, I feel joy.
Same goes for the belt, laptop case, journal, wallet, and Christmas gifts I made for my family.
In the virtual world, publish more than you consume.
In the physical world, learn or build a skill that allows you to create something instead of buy it. Food. Clothes. Products. Anything. Or make something for the simple fact that it brings you joy.
This year: Create for creation’s sake. Be the maker. Make and make some more.
3. Learning is Always a Good Way to Spend Time.
“Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” — Ronald E. Osborn
Most of the activities that brought me joy last year involved learning something new: A weekend leather course. A 2-day video production course. A 5-week Meisner acting class. Reading 30 new books. Visiting new cities and countries. Delivering talks and workshops on new topics, forcing me to learn and share something fresh.
Gallup research shows that people are happier, more fulfilled and perform better when they’re doing what they naturally do best. So when I learned that Learner is my #1 top strength on the StrengthsFinder test, it confirmed it: for maximizing joy, learning is always a good way for me to spend time.
While Learning might not be universal, maybe universal joy is found by filling in the blank with whichever is at the top of your list of 34 strengths:
________________ is always a good way to spend time.
“Empathizing is always a good way to spend time.”
“Competing is always a good way to spend time.”
“Ideation is always a good way to spend time.”
This year: Learn your strengths. Use them. It’s always a good use of time.
4. Practice Noticing New Things.
I’ve read The Power of Now. I’ve tried meditating. Intellectually I get the importance of presence. But I’ve always had a hard time practically applying the advice: “Be present.”
Last year, I heard Dr. Ellen Langer offer a more helpful definition of presence:
“The very simple process of actively noticing new things.”
Practically speaking, that could be:
- Walk out your door and notice 3 things you didn’t see before.
- Notice 5 new landmarks on your commute into work.
- Notice 5 new things about your partner when you next speak.
Dr. Langer says that whatever you begin noticing “will start to come alive for you again.” And it’s true. When the world comes back alive, you remember how amazing it is that you’re alive and surrounded by such beauty and wonder.
This year: Notice what’s in front of you. Be curious. Fall in love with the world again.
5. Pay Yourself First.
“A part of all you earn is yours to keep. It should not be less than a tenth no matter how little you earn. It can be as much more as you can afford. Pay yourself first.” –The Richest Man in Babylon
The Richest Man in Babylon is a parable about accumulating wealth. The moral of the story: before paying others, even before spending money on rent or food or clothes, pay yourself first. Save at least 10% of everything you earn.
It’s a sound financial strategy. But last year I tried paying myself first with another form of wealth: Time.
I asked myself — what if I spent the first 10% of every day paying myself first with my time? If I slept on average 8 hours each night (generous), then 10% of my waking hours = 1.6 hours. For simplicity’s sake, let’s say 90 minutes.
First, here are ways I have not practiced pay yourself first with those 90 minutes:
- Scanning Instagram first thing in the morning is not paying yourself first.
- Responding to emails or jumping on Slack first is not paying yourself first.
- Joining someone else’s early morning meeting is not paying yourself first.
What if, before your day began — before paying hours to your employer or your family or the stranger on the other side of an email — you spent those first 90 minutes paying yourself first? Working on your own project? Taking care of your most important affairs so that you could give the rest of your day to other people’s? Carving out time to do your work — your real work?
For me, right now, my real work is writing. Whenever I’ve paid myself first by spending an hour or two writing, I’ve always felt better about the rest of my day. The rest of the day could crumble apart, but at least I know I’ve done my work. The day has not been wasted.
This year: Put your oxygen mask on first. Do your real work. Pay yourself first.
6. Carve Out Regular Time for Solitude.
“And now let me quickly run away from you again. Even now a shadow seems to lie over me. I want to run alone so that it may become bright around me again.” — Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Every artist, creator and deep thinker needs to occasionally retreat to a quiet corner of the world to concentrate, or as Joseph Campbell says, “bring forth what you are and what you might be.”
For me, paying myself first typically involves solitude — carving out sacred time and place alone with my thoughts. I consistency find joy when I deliberately carve out time for solitude over 3 time frames: Daily, Monthly, and Quarterly.
Daily (20–30 minutes):
- Morning Pages — Write 3 pages, longhand, upon waking.
- A walk outside, unhurried, with no music or audio.
Monthly (4–8 hours):
- A long walk in nature.
- An urban wander or “artist date” — letting myself be pulled by things that interest or intrigue me.
Quarterly (1–3 Days):
- Travel somewhere new — city, region, or country.
- An overnight microadventure — close-ish to home, sleeping on a hill or in the woods, and returning home the next morning.
Of course, I also love doing all of the above with my girlfriend and loved ones. I’m just a less pleasant person to be around when I haven’t retreated into my cave, if only occasionally, to replenish my soul “so that it may become bright around me again.”
This year: Carve out time. Seek sacred space. Bring forth what what you might be.
7. Walk and Talk.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote “love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.” I’ve found the same to be true not only in love, but with friendship, business and most affairs in life.
- Steve and I hatched Tales of Iceland walking side-by-side around Reykjavik.
- My brother and I talked through our career next steps walking around our hometown neighborhood over Christmas.
- My girlfriend and I consistently try to get on the same page during our walks around London.
- My parents and I catch up on each of our our lives, worries, and questions walking through the park near their home.
- Occasionally I’ll even walk and talk to myself while writing a talk or working through a problem.
The list goes on. There’s something special about walking in the same direction with someone you care about. If given the choice, I’d prefer all of my meetings or big conversations to be outside — walking and talking. I’m always happier knowing I’ve spoken not to someone, but with them.
This year: Leave the building. Get outside. Walk and talk together.
8. Move Your Body Daily.
I had a couple minor body issues last year. A bum foot for a week this summer, and a tweaked lower back in December. 33 is way too young for this.
I also stopped going to the gym to lift weights last year. Not that I was super fit and strong to begin with — I wanted to see if I could stay in shape without a gym. But pretty quickly, I felt my muscles disappearing. My core strength and balance, along with my confidence and mood, were eroding.
Recently I got back into the gym. My back feels better. I feel much better.
When I go for a run after a long hiatus, especially when I’m feeling emotionally off, my body exhales in relief: “That’s what was missing!”
I’m always happier after a run.
I’m always happier leaving the gym than when I entered.
I’m always happier after I’ve spent an hour in a yoga class.
This year: Push yourself physically. Do it daily. Moving your body is always a good idea.
9. Set Intentions (vs Resolution and Goals).
“Now I certainly see the value in having goals and improving yourself. But I’m avoiding making a list of declarations to internally grade and beat myself up over.” — Kevin Rose, The Journal
Last year, I decided to try something new: setting intentions.
Not only did I set intentions for the year, but I set them for particular moments. For example: 3 months into running weekend career change workshops, I found myself still getting worked up and doubting my abilities. One night before a workshop, I jotted down 3 intentions for myself and stuck it in my wallet:
During the breaks, I’d pull the paper out and remind myself of my intentions. Which influenced my state of being. Which influenced my acts of doing. The result? It was the best workshop I delivered, I had the most fun, and I think the participants walked away taller and more confident as well.
Intentions are not “declarations to beat ourselves up over” but rather nudges back to center. When we lose our way, when we fall asleep in our lives — which we inevitably will — intentions almost instantly pick us back up.
Each moment we’re born anew. And if we’re deliberate about it, each moment can be breathed to life with a new intention. Intentions point us back home.
This year: Set intentions. Hold them close. Get back on track.
10. Remember Your “Enough.”
I remember interviewing Alastair Humphreys about his life and career as an adventurer, filmmaker and author:
“My goal this year is to earn less.”
We all need money to live. The problem with work today is that it seems binary: either you work 120% of your daytime hours, bleeding your eyes out for an employer who expects you to walk through walls for the cause. Or you’re on your own, launching your own thing, working 140% and struggling to make it work all work.
Many people I know are living a new alternative: working enough.
Enough to live the kind of lifestyle they want.
Enough to satisfy them and their family’s needs.
Enough to feel happy and secure.
And then filling the rest of their time with what gives them joy. Which might be more work. Often it involves activities that don’t bring immediate income.
Reed.co.uk, the #1 job site in the UK, reported that while “the number of full-time vacancies has risen by 8.5% in the last year, the number of part-time positions has risen by more than 18% over the same period.”
For as long as I’ve been in the workforce, part-time work seems to be frowned upon. But now it seems to be part of the solution.
Last year, I experimented with enough. I left my full time gig at Escape The City to occasionally freelance. Of course my enough is less than someone’s enough with a family. And I’m still experimenting with my enough. Sometimes I hit my enough, other times I don’t.
My joy is found in the balance of working and earning enough.
This year: Find your enough. Work enough. Earn enough.
11. Lead with Heart. Follow with Head.
“Act before you think — your instincts are more honest than your thoughts.” –Sanford Meisner, founder of Meisner acting method
To me, leading with heart is synonymous with acting on your agency.
Wanting to do something…and deciding to do it.
Having a desire…and acting upon it.
Feeling pulled by something…and allowing yourself to chase that something.
Of course, there’s no guarantee that the heart will lead to joy or ecstasy. Often it takes you through heartbreak or tragedy first. But for me, there’s life-affirming joy in having a burning desire, and allowing my body to be pulled by that desire.
Most of my life’s defining moments have occurred once I let heart captain the ship. Head can stay on board, but only as first mate. I often mix the two up, and sometime there’s mutiny on board. I drift toward to safer path or some tropical island of opportunity, instead of where I truly feel pulled.
Leading with heart, acting with agency — I believe it’s the single tool that each of us possess, no matter our circumstances, to instantly improve our lives.
“Agency is not automatic. It has to be given birth to, with pushing and effort. It’s not just the confidence and drive to act. It’s having engraved inner criteria to guide action. The agency moment can happen at any age, or never. I guess that’s when adulthood starts.” –David Brooks
This year: Choose agency. Allow yourself to chase what pulls you. Be a warrior of the heart path.
P.S. I wrote this list as a “user-manual” of sorts to myself — something I can refer to throughout the year to help bring me back to happiness. Feel free to share your own list in the comments.
