I am learning to unlearn what society has taught me
I have many teachers in my life. In fact, way too many.
My parents teach me things they think are the best for me. My school teachers taught me things in the textbooks, and sometimes things from their experience. Every person that passes my life also teaches me a thing or two.
Yes, it could a blessing to have chances to learn from so many people. But it could be a curse.
Indeed, it is a curse more than a blessing.
Why?
People are protective. They teach me things to prevent me from getting hurt, but they also tell me to never get out of my comfort zone.
Here are few things I am unlearning.
Don’t do it. It won’t work.
They say this to me all the time. It’s like they are prophets who can see future. Instead of letting me try to do things, they tell me to give up before trying.
“Don’t play in the garden. You don’t want to get dirty”.
“Don’t go out under the rain. You will get sick”.
“Don’t open a business. It is very tiring, expensive and stressful”.
“Don’t apply for that job. You have done a lot already”.
The list is endless.
Sure, some of their advice is from their own experience. And some of them are helpful.
But most of the time, they give me the idea of finding reasons why I will fail, rather than telling me to find reasons why I can make it work.
Unlearn?
I am unlearning it by telling myself why things will work out my way. Even the chance of success is 0.1 percent, I find all the reasons why I can make it, and how to make it.
Money means everything
When I talk to my friends, my family, my relatives about my work, they inherently ask how much I make. Well, maybe in many countries this is not polite, but I am born and raised in a society where it is ok to ask.
Instead of asking how I like the job, if I find the job interesting and challenging, they always turn to ask how much money I get from it.
A good job means a job that pays well. It doesn’t matter if I hate my job or the job has nothing to do with my dream. Money means everything. Money is dream.
Since I was a kid, people already told me that I had to grow up fast to work and make a lot of money. No one ever asked me who I wanted to become, what I wanted to do.
As expected, I now end up in a high-paying job that I hate.
I am learning to unlearn this.
I surrendered to my soul, let my heart tells me what I really want to do with myself. And I started writing.
They can do it because they are…
This is an excuse they give me when they see something more successful than themselves. And this is the same excuse they use when they tell me to let go my unrealistic dreams.
That I don’t have the resources and conditions they have, that it will be so hard for me to do it. So I better give up before trying. Other people have given up, why shouldn’t I?
I tell myself nothing is impossible. If I really want it, I will get it.
I used to think I needed to eat very little to lose weight, or I needed to go to the gym to lose weight. But after losing 10 pounds by changing my eating habits, and frequent exercise from home, I know I have the ability to do anything.
You have to, you must…
“You have to do this, you have to do that or else you will feel miserable, or you will fail.”
The society teaches me how to be ordinary, how to be normal, how to be like everyone else. But why do they think that is good for me?
Extraordinary people are the ones who are willing to do things that no one else is willing to. Successful people are people who dare to think differently and act differently.
No, there is no such thing called “have to” or “must”. If I want to be extraordinary, I have to prepare myself to be different. Even though sometimes it means being an outcast. But that is ok.
I am unlearning many things in my life
I was born and raised to follow old people’s wisdom. The old generations are too afraid their children would get hurt, so they build many negativity walls and keep the younger ones inside.
Staying inside those walls is safe, but meaningless and boring.
Life is an adventure. I chose to break through those walls and explore.
Before you go
Mai Pham believes we can create our own happiness. She helps overwhelmed and frustrated people to ditch their stress and enjoy their lives again. Grab her free actionable cheatsheet: 5 Simple Tips to Release Stress and Bring You Calm in Under 5 Minutes and join her free 7 Joyful Days Challenge email course.
