Instead of love, hold space in a relationship

He makes me the happiest person in the world. The thought of him is like a beam of sun shine that warms me from within, it makes me smile.

People call it ‘being in love’; science said it is the work of dopamine in our brain.

When I came across a beautiful article about holding space, I realised he is more than love and dopamine — he holds space for me.

Holding space means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome.

Space to love
I met him on a blind date in a coffee shop. Our conversation flowed easily, I felt as if I’ve known him for a long, long time.

I was surprised that he has such a big heart to receive everything I said without judgement and ego. In that first encounter, I told him about meditation, spirituality and energy. I was glad I didn’t scare him away.

It wasn’t love at first sight, but deep down I knew that he was special. I could be my truest self around him. With him, falling in love was free and effortless. I knew my heart will be safe with him.

Space to be myself
He runs numbers and I act on intuition. I stick my tongue out in the rain and he brings an umbrella when the sky gets cloudy.

We found a common ground where we honour differences and we complement one another.

I can express myself freely without worrying what to say or how I look. He sees through all external layers to understand my values, beliefs, and the essence of what makes me, ‘me’.

It is okay to talk about happiness, fear, and regrets. It is okay to sit together and do nothing. It is okay to watch documentary on a date night.

In that space, we are present and we appreciate each other. We choose to enrol in each other’s life.

He makes me feel proud to be myself.

Space to fall apart
I love that I could share my worries with him. I don’t have everything figured out and he gets that. He wouldn’t tell me what to do, but he will offer guidance when I ask for it.

He holds a space where it is safe to fall apart. There will be no shame, judgement, blame, and critics.

That gives me strength and faith to do hard things in life and in work. Because of him, uncertainties become less scary, challenges become excitement.

Space to dream and grow
When I decided that I wanted to write a book, it sounded far-fetch and unrealistic even to myself. Somehow, it was a strong intuition that I had to acknowledge.

When I told him about my vision for a book, he smiled while he listened. From his eyes I saw blessing and encouragement. That was all I needed from him.

Instead of trying to fix my dream, he holds space for me to follow my intuition. That empowers me with courage to get started.

Space of happiness
We were sitting together and having Masala Chai one night. I suddenly thought, ‘I feel so happy right here, right now’.

I realised that we didn’t need exquisite food, expensive wine, or exotic destination to create happiness. Happiness comes from within when we connect deeply with the right person.

When we are filled with happiness and positive energy, we have more to give, and more to hold space for other people in our life.

Thank you, universe, for bringing us together
Holding space is a commitment that transcends love or ‘feel good’ effect of dopamine. It is easy to love when life is good. When you are faced with a broken soul, it requires wisdom and courage to hold space for someone.

He holds space for me in many aspects of life so that I could be the best version of myself.

There are billions of people in this world, but this person chooses to enrol in your life and walk you through whatever journey life takes you. It is brave and beautiful.

I will do this for him for as long as I could — hold space and never lose faith.

This article is part of my book project ‘Mindful Nuts’, where I will be writing about love and abundance for millennials. If you enjoyed this, it will mean a lot if you subscribe to my blog www.isabellethye.com.

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