Moving Clouds
As I was driving to work this morning I looked up at the clouds in the blue sky. I saw the contrast of the dark clouds saturated with water from the early morning dew and light fluffy clouds moving slowly in the sky. The contrast of the clouds reflected my own thoughts and feelings as some somber and joyous memories floated in my head. I began to think about how each of us have dark and light emotions in our life. I used to think that the shadowy emotional side of me was only sadness and pain and wanted to run from it. Why was I scared of the dark? Was it fear of drowning in the depths that I was afraid to embrace? Was it my own rage or unhappiness that I did not want to accept? Maybe I had a dark power that I did not want to acknowledge? To be honest I really don’t know the answers to these questions. I know when I feel these emotions I do not always know how to console myself besides fully feeling them in my own personal space.
When I experienced these dismal moods I tried to lift myself into the light instead of embracing my darkness. Since then I have practiced regular meditation sessions and I am more conscious of the darkness. I am not trapped in the tornado anymore. Similar to the dark clouds floating in the sky I now let my dark emotions float in and out of my very being. Accepting them and letting them pass as thoughts and feelings come and go. The darkness and light are integral parts of me like yin and yang. Clearly we cannot have the light without the dark. When we emerge from dark periods we see the light, the illumination, the happiness in the present and in the future.
I have encountered many times when I felt so forlorn, moving in the endless dark, murky waters that I did not know when I would emerge into the light. My outer happy face was a mask, but when I was alone I had to face the gray shrouds that enveloped me, my pain, my hopelessness once again. Looking at the dark clouds this morning reminded me of those difficult times, memories, periods that I did not want to remember. I was told by a good friend that those difficult times do not need to be swept under the carpet but to be acknowledged as a part of our life. A part that helps us to grow, to emerge as stronger, more resilient, compassionate people. As I emerged from a few, pivotal, tumultuous times I was able to see how far I actually have traveled. I am grateful for going through the pain for it has made my happiness so much sweeter.
The amazing view that I had this morning as I passed those dark clouds was witnessing two large groups of birds flying past in a V formation. They were so free, fast, and synchronized, totally connected to each other. They looked like airplanes in the sky that danced together and then dispersed. I felt this surreal feeling come over me like there is something out in the Universe watching me, telling me that the best is yet to come.
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