No, Love is NOT Enough

I was not planning on writing a Valentine’s Day article.

It just seemed so cliche: the recent divorcee spouting “truths” about how “love sucks.” To trust no one. To hate the commercialism of Valentine’s Day and all of the happy people who celebrate it.

But I don’t hate Valentine’s Day, and I don’t think that love sucks. Love–true love–is a rare, beautiful interaction between two human beings who have discovered something about themselves in another person. Who share a secret that can never be fully understood by anyone outside of their bond.

So I wasn’t planning on dissing Valentine’s Day, until I came across this:

This message has many other faces. “All you need is love.” “Love is enough.” And, my personal (least) favorite, “Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.”

Like many other people, I used to be inspired by this message. It’s almost religious: everything will be alright, even in times when everything seems to be falling apart, because love is there to guide us. Now, it just infuriates me and honestly I wish it would go away.

No, everyone. Love is not enough.

Love cannot fix someone who doesn’t want to fix themselves.

Love cannot put a roof over your head or buy you groceries for the week.

Love is not a blanket that warms up all of the bad times and makes you feel as if they are not there. Some bad times are not to be struggled through. They are permanent.

I’m not speaking, of course, of small fights over whose turn it is to take out the garbage, or whether or not he checked out that girl’s ass when she walked by. Those arguments serve a purpose, and are often forgotten about within minutes.

I am speaking directly to the people who may be lying to themselves about the severity of the situation. Who may actually have thoughts like these running through their minds:
-Yeah, he lies to me a lot. But I love him; these are just the bad times we have to get through.
-She hits me, but I love her, and I know she loves me. I focus on the good times.
-It does seem like it’s taking him a long time to start looking for a job, but it’s my responsibility to care for him. I love him. These are the hard times. I’ll get through this.

This idea that Love Conquers All has brainwashed people into thinking that their feelings override inconvenient truths that are otherwise hard to swallow. Yes, love is necessary for a healthy relationship. But a healthy relationship can NOT be built on love alone.

Especially when, unknown to one half of the couple, the real, honest love in the relationship is one-sided.

Rough patches are normal. Constant frustration, guilt, worrying, hurt, blame, abandonment, selfishness, or mistrust is not.

Stay safe, and put your happiness in front of everyone’s. Regardless of love.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

[Domestic Violence HelpLine: 1–800–799-SAFE (7233)]