Notice: I am not your token black friend
I’m angry
And please, get that ‘angry black woman’ trope out of your head
I am angry though
And there are very many reasons to be
Back in the day I was too scared to be evicted out of your circle
Probably due to my own insecurities
I cringed at your everyday racism
Sad and shocked to even hear stories from some black friends about how some times black people were insulted within white circles, but my black friends would be told by these white ‘friends’ , ‘oh no, not you…you’re not among THOSE TYPES of blacks we don’t like’
I was ashamed and felt weak to challenge anything
Picking up some courage I decided to try
I so very diplomatically hinted at your racism on few occasions
Always too scared of being ‘the black girl causing problems’
So foolishly I kept my offence and hurt at your racism in my heart
I allowed you to use me as your token black friend
I allowed you to use me as one of the statistics in your ‘but I’m not racist because I have some black friends’
I enabled your arrogance and entitlement and white privilege, and in so doing, became complicit in the perpetuation of ignorance
Not anymore
I called you out yesterday and you didn’t like it
Understand something: it took every ounce of courage for me to call you out
And still, you tried to flip it on me
I am the one making ‘stupid assumptions’
You were never implying anything
You were sorry ‘if’ (and not ‘that’) you caused offence
Everything basically is about my misinterpretation, and not your attitude
Therefore, not only was I your token, but now I am being hypersensitive?
Gaslighting
When all the modern social justice warriors (btw, that is a beautiful thing to be!) use this word, I’d never doubted it was for a very valid reason
You showed me exactly what it means to be on the receiving end yesterday
And between you being so defensive AND offensive, and me trying to engage you in civilised conversation, a lot of energy was wasted and lost
Stop being so damn defensive when you are in the wrong
Not a single one of us is perfect
I have made, and will continue to make mistakes, and because of my implicit bias, will have to keep being my own watchman for any personal behaviour that may encourage injustices
My friends and I will have to keep keeping one another accountable
So I was definitely not asking you to be perfect
I was only asking that you open your heart first, to understand why your words worried me
Then next, open your beautiful mind to assimilate my admonishment
What I naively did not expect was to be called a ‘bitch’, ‘bloody cow’, and ‘racist’ for pointing out that you both were belittling non-white life by implying a system that absolutely favoured white skin (South African apartheid) was better than a system of democracy today
I did not say the current system is perfect
What I did say was that by stating emphatically that the ‘previous’ was better, you were exposing how little you think of non-white life (which was regarded as nothing back then)
And what hurts most is that in this whole brouhaha, you both still have failed to see my point
You were so quick instead to try to disassociate yourselves from the phenomenon of ‘white privilege’, which is clearly what was at play;
Your unwillingness to call your privilege for what it is and your ‘subtle’ racism actually enable institutional racism as a whole
So you blocked me
Which is sad because in life, playing ostrich by sticking your head in the sand does not make your problems go away
It only leaves your ass exposed
And FYI, we are currently living in the times of sinking sand!
Everything we see scares us because IT IS damn scary and many people are living it everyday!
But if we are unwilling to learn how to be better
If we are unwilling to unlearn our harmful behaviours
However much we may gaslight, only sycophants will not think us racist
And even if we surround ourselves by a sea of yes-men, that still won’t wash away our complicity
And we will become part of the force of destruction, even if not by physically taking part in it, but by closing our eyes to its diabolic activities and institutional inscription
I will no longer support your behaviour through my silence
And along the way I also hope to learn to be better
Those who are uncomfortable with my passion for equality will probably fall off along the way
It’s ok: we don’t need to weigh each other down
Those who are willing to learn from and teach me will make the journey more bearable
I have found my voice, and I choose to use it
I wish you well
And I am no longer your token black friend.
