Self-control is the killer
Personal feelings about knowing what is right, yet not doing it.
What if i’ll let myself relax, breathe and do things I dream of and am passionate about at the evening of my life?
Would it be a regret?
That I would finally let myself to be jolly and free, eternally far away from the harrowing pain and sadness only at the final dawn?
Let me put it this way:
What do you really have when you show others that your self-discipline is as tough as titanium and just as flexible?
What do you really have when you truly are the savage controller of your behavior, feelings and actions, the omnipresent vigilant watcher as tense as a 9 to 5 office worker desperate for the once a month massage — what do you really have when you deny yourself so much?
Status?
Desired quality?
Are you more?
or:
Am I more?
Is it a win-win situation? How much do I abstain from and cease myself to indulge in and how much do I gain?
Does it bring happiness or sadness?
IT BRINGS FUCKING PAIN, MISERY AND MOROSENESS, FEELING OF LOSING, ABDICATING, ABSTAINING, ALIENATION, SUFFERING, PRUDENCE AND CONTROL.
Why is it so hard even though I do know what is right for me?
The fear is an absolute stop to any actions — rather suffer than to be mistaken, rather suffer than to let the pain loosen and disentangle, rather endure agony than to lose the control and BE what happens as opposed to SEE what happens, and why rather change later and not right now?
Is it more about demonstrating this repressive state of being to myself or to the others? Who is really confused: them or me?
It is me.
Fearful me.
I have already gone through oceans of pain, I have already missed out so much fun, mirth, happiness, freedom, connection and acceptance out of my SULKY CHOICE.
Nobody forced me. Nobody has chosen the pain for me instead of, you guessed it, me. I chose it and I lethally continue to do so every day.
My life is in my hands. Our lives are our doings and we are solely responsible for them. No one else can be blamed apart from ourselves.
Life is not external — it is internal.
My advice to you, respected reader:
Self-control is lethal.
The image of the lack of indulgence in joys of life is lethal.
And finally: fear is the ultimate killer.
Adopt the above-mentioned and you can slowly work your way towards the grave.
I suggest we free ourselves and see the world without our judgements and unique template glasses that are a prerequisite for distorted vision and feelings. Easy to say, however concepts such as ‘to free’, ‘to believe in’ and to not only accept but ‘to embrace’ are abstract, thus they require a new approach. The need of a written manual will no longer work — that would be the same mind tyranny wanting to change itself step-by-step, only acting to be willing to help itself.
No.
A whole new transformation of the self has to occur. A new way where your present inner settings and perceptions will no longer work. That is why it is so hard. Having a manual would not change anything, it would not help and teach you about your powers. It would be “easy” and futile. No real inner change would transpire; hence it would be an excuse to say ‘But I tried! I really did!’
The transformation is something we often have no idea what it can feel like. Really, think about it, what does it feel like to perceive, feel and simply BE different? A new disparate else?
We do not know since we can only imagine it with our current perceptions. See? That’s the template glasses again.
Transformation is the key.
And yes, that indeed is freedom.
Thank you.
21.01.2014 | all visuals by me | http://be.net/obilie | www.facebook.com/fipaah
