What Happens When You Stop Trying?
An experiment in “loosening up”
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I was up before the sun — without an alarm.
Before anything else, I religiously performed my personalised morning routine.
I started my day by tackling the most important task at hand — writing on Medium.
This was followed by reading a story from Benjamin P. Hardy which I’d bookmarked the previous night.
Keep in mind that I hadn’t paid a single drop of attention to social media or emails at this point.
And, just like that, I had managed to check everything off my to-do list before leaving for college. (Except for high-intensity cardio — which I avoid doing in the morning whenever possible)
I spent the rest of the day thinking, listening to music, checking my emails and social media, reading good Medium stories — and topped it all off by writing about the day in my diary.
This is how a typical day was for me, 10 days ago.
Not every day was perfect — sometimes I woke up late and skipped breakfast. Sometimes I’d skip reading Medium in the morning when I had a lot to write.
But every day was more or less the same — and I was crazy productive.
And then I stopped trying.
Back to base
I’ve made a ton of questionable decisions out of sheer curiosity.
Many of those decisions have had serious repercussions, but that hasn’t stopped the “what ifs” from popping up in my head all the time.
That also hasn’t stopped me from acting on those unexplored ideas and thoughts.
Ten days ago, another experiment knocked on the door.
What if I stopped sleeping early? How long would my momentum last? What if I stopped writing every day? What if I loosened my self-discipline muscle?
What if I stopped trying?
The very next day I was on a flight, headed home. I was going through my Medium profile, looking back at the progress I’d made — in an attempt to convince myself to turn my back on this experiment.
Why did I have to convince myself? Because a part of me really wanted to do this experiment — but the other, more rational one was warning me of the wasted hours it could foresee.
I loved this, because the decisions which have had my mind waging war with itself have always been the most exciting and rewarding ones.
So, like the ideal unproductive person, I closed my laptop and browsed through some memes I’d saved on my phone.
Ten-day disaster
Needless to say, the outcome wasn’t what a productive person would like to see.
But, of course, I was more interested in the actual process than the end result.
I really cared about was getting to know the the ins and outs, and the small changes which accumulated to give the negative outcome.
I wanted to know what exactly happens when one stops fighting for something they strive for.
Looking back now, here’s what changed in me after I stopped trying to be productive — which is what I strive for.
1) Turbulence:
When I’m at my best, I’m super assertive. I’m on the offence. I’m completely outside complain-mode. Ten days ago, my results from a personality test stated that I’m 85% assertive, and 15% turbulent.
Fast forward to the present, and look how the tables have turned. The same test now states that I’m 25% assertive, and 75% turbulent.
Why?
Because I lost my faith and momentum.
Why?
Because I stopped doing.
A lot of people are under the impression that confidence must precede action. You need to be confident before your show. You need to be confident before you publish your first article.
The reality, however, is the exact opposite.
Action causes confidence.
If you stop doing, you’ll quickly begin to notice your pillar of faith crumble. You’ll begin blaming your circumstances, your family, your friends, and what not.
You’ll be fully in defence mode, and nobody wins while in defence mode.
2) The P-word
This experiment was supposed to last a week.
On the sixth day, I cordially reminded myself before sleeping, that I had to get back to being productive from the very next day.
On the seventh day, however, “something came up” and I “couldn’t really make time” for writing.
“No problem”, said I. “I’ll smash my goals tomorrow, and push out two amazing stories in one day”.
No points for guessing the outcome— it turned out that I didn’t touch, let alone “smash” my goals on the eighth day.
By the ninth day, I’d already begun with detrimental self-doubt and self-hate.
Every consecutive day you say “no” to what’s good for you, the procrastination snowball grows bigger, faster and more difficult to stop.
With great efforts, I managed to stop mine from rolling on the last day, and that is how I’m back here — writing, and looking forward to all the ground that I have to make up.
3) Back on track
I want you to think of your mind as a system. After a lot of self-experimentation, I’ve witnessed first-hand that this system does its best to fight off new good elements in most cases.
New morning routine? It won’t like that.
Better exercise plans? You’ll face resistance.
My experiment was more or less about getting to know what this “system” defaults to, in the absence of any corrective and beneficial measures.
Judging from the outcome, it defaults to mediocrity.
From this perspective, getting “back on track” means taking back control.
I decided that it was time to do away with the default decision-making machine— which always resorted to paths of least resistance.
One by one, I had to consciously reintroduce the elements which made me productive.
This is the hardest part. This is why most people fail to become better and introduce new and better elements into their system — they fail to take control.
It’s difficult, and I like that.
If it was the easiest thing in the world to just flip a switch and go back to godly levels of productiveness, everyone would attain those levels — everyone would be great.
It’s a necessary evil, because when you have the fear of going back to mediocrity, you’re less likely to go backwards.
The tenth morning
Today, I’m not back to my best — and I wasn’t expecting to be. I don’t know when exactly I’m going to be as productive as I was ten days ago.
What I do know, however, is that I’ve begun taking back control. I’ve starting meditating again. I’ve started reading good Medium and connecting with new people again.
I’ve started trying again — and it’s only a matter of time before I attain my previous levels of productivity, and then go beyond.
