When nature nurtured me
I started working towards setting up my not-for –profit Mithra, in January of 2018. I’m in August now. Almost every single day this past year I’ve had varying levels of anxiety and mood swings — feelings of elation and connectedness to a higher purpose, and dark dark gloomy days. I’ve had days where I firmly believe in myself and Mithra, and days if not weeks of crippling self-doubt.
It is like riding a giant roller-coaster, you’re anxious getting in, wonder if you’ll throw up, get pleasantly surprised at your ability to handle things, you find yourself grinning and loudly wooting in joy, and then suddenly you feel your stomach lurch and drop, the squeals of joy become gut wrenching screams of panic.
What was I scared of? Well in no particular order :
- failing
- succeeding
- burning out again
- doing it alone, all by my lonesome
In December of 2017, I was searching for people who were change-makers, people who supported innovators, people who could guide and support me through this journey, and during this phase I had a meeting with Amani Institute. They were just setting up their program in India and I was excited by the synergy; matching world views, value systems, and a focus on the inner journey. As it turns out, I was not ready for it at that point, despite actively seeking it out. By the end of May I had received some Grant funding for Mithra, and my anxiety and loneliness increased tremendously. I now had someone believing in me and in my articulation of change. I felt a huge weight weighing me down, I was walking around feeling the pressure to deliver and not let anyone down. At this point I knew I was ready for the program.
As I’m writing this, I’m at the end of my first month at Amani’s Social Innovation Management program; I have another 8 months to go. This week was the start of a bio-empathy course and I’ve just gotten back from the jungle. During the week we were taught to connect with nature, with ourselves, and also be inspired by nature’s natural design principles.
This past week, I was in the jungle, with my fellow course-mates for 4 nights. We sat by a mango tree that was 350 years old, I saw hills in the distance, and I was surrounded by an abundance of colour. I saw otters swimming in the river, I was surrounded by spiders, ants and various bugs and insects, I sat in rain, I sat in the sunshine, I felt the wind on my face, I felt the chill in my bones, and I smelt the wet Red Earth. I saw the vast expanse of the sky, and the clouds filled heavy with water, ready to burst at any second. In these moments of quietness, I was also able to witness rapid moving clouds; the thoughts in my head. They whizzed past with their criticism, they were dismissive, highlighted my ignorance, questioned my abilities, and were extremely pessimistic. Sitting in nature I was spewing toxicity, and nature accepted it. As I became aware of these thoughts and understood the underlying emotions associated with it, I was able to acknowledge it , let go, and send it back into the Earth. Not only did nature accept this, but she replenished me with positivity, support, love, and nurtured me. I felt rooted, firmly grounded. I felt a deep sense of connectedness, unity, and gratitude.
A huge part of this process was connecting with my course-mates. We were all on this journey together, and were able to witness and support each other; through things that were said, unsaid, done, and felt. This for me is what Amani stands for - love, connectedness, and lots and lots of hugs. Each of us had our own process and through the week we become aware of the profound relationship that exists between our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and natures overwhelming impact on us. This space has now become so sacred to me. The power of this is deeply transformative.
Given that you’re reading this and have made it this far, I invite you to go spend time with nature, without your devices, no books or music, just you and your thoughts. Go to the beach, go to the park, find a tree to sit under, and spend a few hours by yourself. Open your heart and receive from nature, she gives in abundance. My wish for you is to feel this connection to nature, allow her to inspire and support you. Let nature nurture you.
