It was great while it lasted but I needed to move on. I needed to focus on what’s important. This relationship stopped being a priority so I had to end it. Fast.
Note: it is essential that you read about how my affair with the Portuguese lover started to understand the metaphors of this post ;-)
We had something special from day one. Our relationship started as an intense dance of passion and Carioca accents and it has kept the same pace for the whole three weeks.
Every weekday 9 AM to 1 PM we had our daily dates. Homework time had to be squeezed in the evenings as well. Portuguese had become a priority because I wanted to be able to communicate with Brazilians and feel like I’m a part of a community and not another tourist. And suddenly I found myself being immerse into him so much that he had taken control of my thoughts, my soul and my day. I started thinking in him a lot, dreaming about him, waking up in the middle of the night from Portuguese nightmares. It was very intense. It felt like I’m 16 again and madly in love with a boy that’s so hot, he’s probably not worth it.
Even when I needed a break, he was still there: always being spoken by the Brazilians around. At some point it felt like I was suffocated by the sexy Carioca accent. (By now you can see how this had become a toxic relationship and wasn’t serving me anymore.)
Did we get intimate?
We almost got there on that rainy summer night on the eighth floor of the Copacabana apartment two blocks from the beach. But we didn’t get past the foreplay as my plane to Recife was departing in 90 minutes and I had to “run” to the airport. I left him standing sad by the entrance door while I was driving away in the back seat of an Uber… I knew I’d come back to him. We had our last intense week of 20 hours scheduled before we moved on to the next stage of our relationship, cordially called “B2” by the language schools.
But it wasn’t meant to be.
Suddenly, dating Portuguese had become an effort and too much work. I was done with him.
Four weeks into this relationship I started working intensely on my new online business venture. I also started taking writing seriously. (Who? Me? A writer? no way!) My focus, and my heart were in something else and I just didn’t have time anymore for him…
It just wasn’t happening. My passion for it was gone, he wasn’t as exciting anymore because he stopped being important. Priorities rearranged themselves.
My business was exciting. My writing was exciting. My actual future husband has been consistently exciting. But Portuguese wasn’t.
Right now I am going through an incredible transition of time management and understanding what’s important for me (thanks to the amazing Galia Berdnikova and her online course I’m taking!)
My time-management mantra:
I only “do” what’s important for me.
I am always asking myself “Is this important for me?” If the answer is “not really” then I’m not doing it. Another important thing is to ask myself “Why is this important?” A combination of these two questions should guide all your daily actions and priorities.
Casual coffee & lunches with various people, mundane tasks, useless scrolling through social media — not important. In fact, I have eradicated my news timeline on Facebook — highly recommended.
I also stopped answering to FB messages daily and checking my email daily. It has become an activity I perform at a scheduled time once in 2–3 days unless it’s an important conversation I need to be a part of. This has made me realize that I do what’s important for me first and then what’s important to others 🙂
Here is my list of what’s important for me and why?
1. Writing
I want to become a better writer, find my voice, express myself in powerful ways and create a following. I want to become one of the best writers on Medium. Therefore, I am taking courses on writing, researching and implementing various techniques that will help me get there. I’m focused on it. I spend 3–4 hours a day on writing.
2. My Online Business
I want to create financial independence for myself and my family. I want to create a lifestyle of freedom and possibility for myself. I want to express myself creatively and to make an impact in the way only I can. I have an idea and I’m going for it. Part of my journey to opening the business is going through the “Life. Business. Success” course which takes a lot of time and effort. I spend about 2–3 hours a day on it. I also am focused on doing my “Wanderova Calls” because it will help me build a personal brand which helps with my business building goal.
3. Yoga
I want to be healthy, focused and strong. Physically, emotionally and mentally. The practice of yoga does that for me. Yoga recharges me, challenges me and pushes me forward. I am preparing for my 200 hour yoga teacher training course in Bali in May. I’m spending on average an hour a day on yoga (3 weekly sessions plus daily stretching.)
4. My Partner & Family
I want to have a healthy, happy and intimate family. I want to further deepen my relationship with my partner and constantly nurture the bond we have. So I cook banana blueberry pancakes and avocado chocolate mousses, going to dinners and spending romantic time ❤ I also want to stay close to my family so I participate in their lives frequently even if I am constantly away.
So that’s it. Writing, online business and yoga are my primary focus for the day, week, month and year. Everything I do is related to these areas. If something does not directly affect these priorities, I don’t have time for it.
My Portuguese lover didn’t make it to the list of priorities.
On the night before our scheduled date I was feeling anxious. I tried really hard to review my notes and really prepare for the sexy Portuguese so I can show him my best self.
But I have already made the decision to breakup. I know he was heart-broken but it needed to be done. Five hours of my daily time has been freed up for the things that really matter and are important to me. I felt immense pleasure and relief to replace the 9 AM to 11 AM space in my google calendar with “Writing.”
He understood. We remained friends. I kept the benefits of feeling comfortable speaking basic Portuguese to myself. I moved on and didn’t look back.
You don’t have to do it all. Decide on what’s important and focus on it. This will bring you closer to success.
If a relationship or an engagement isn’t easy — drop it.
If it takes a lot of your time and energy and it’s draining you — drop it.
If there are more important things — drop it.
If there are more enjoyable things — drop it.
xoxo,